Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi Read online

  Right then from somewhere Nilmani flew back and suddenly perched on my shoulder. It had somethng in its beak which it put into my hair and loudly screeched, "Krishnaa!...Krishnaa!...Krishnaa!"

  Nitambini was watching amazed. What was surprising about it? This was no new technique of Nilmani's to placate me. Every time it would bring some flower in its beak and put it in my hair. But it had never called me "Krishnaa". It would always say in my ears, "Princess! Angry? Princess!" just as Nitambini used to enquire. But who had taught it to say "Krishnaa"?

  Nitambini blurted out, "Just see what Krishna has done!"

  "What has Krishna done?"

  "Taught Nilmani to recite the name Krishnaa."

  "How?"

  "You keep saying 'Krishna-Krishna' here. There he says, 'Krishnaa-Krishnaa'. It is there that it has heard 'Krishnaa-Krishnaa'!"

  I got annoyed with Nitambini's mischievousness sometimes. That day, too, I got annoyed and said, "Nilmani went to Krishna? What a story!"

  "Notice the peacock feather in your hair fragrant with sandalwood!" She took it out of my hair and waved it before my nose, touched it to my chest and said, "Understand now?"

  Thrilled, I stood amazed. This feather did not belong to my pet peacocks. Its blue was deep like the clouds in the evening sky, lovely, vast. And then from where would the fragrance of sandal wood come in peacock feathers?

  So, Krishna was taking my name? What was I to him? His beloved wives were in Dvaraka — eight chief queens, Satyabhama, Rukmini...Me, dark-complexioned, why should he suddenly think of me? I had surrendered to him, so I remembered him. But why should he remember me? So many people offered flowers at the feet of gods every day. Did the gods keep an account of them? It was the garland round the neck which enhanced a god's glory and whose fragrance he inhaled. The flowers at the feet roll in the dust.

  I was musing thus when Father's commands reached me, "Prepare for Krishna's audience. After giving you his blessing Krishna will leave for Dvaraka."

  I got ready. Choosing the best flowers from the garden I prepared a garland. Father had issued directions for greeting him with flower garlands. Shyness would not do. Father would get angry. Quickly I got ready. But I was not pleased with my appearance and dress. If his feet were so enchanting how lovely would his eyes be! Would those eyes be able to tolerate my appearance, my dress and ornaments? Again and again I was standing before the mirror changing my saris, changing my ornaments. Nothing would satisfy me. I was thinking: if it was for facing such lovely eyes that I had been bom, then why did the creator not give me a more agreeable appearance?

  Irritated with myself and my get-up, I took off all my ornaments. I took off the sari made of golden threads and wearing my usual white sari sat down on the bed and cried helplessly, "Nitambini! sakhi! In what form should I meet Krishna? Show me some way out!"

  Nitambini put her hand on my shoulder and said afectionately, "Princess! Among the world's beautiful women you are the loveliest. Even if Krishna is the world's most handsome man, why should that bother you? If Krishna were the blue sky then you would be the evening clouds enhancing its beauty. If Krishna were the waters of a blue lake then you would be the mountain ranges reflected swimming in it. If Krishna were the peaceful vast blue sea, then you would be the tender moss on it. Who is greater than whom? One enhances the glory of the other. You and Krishna, too, are like that."

  I was thinking: was Nitambini flattering me or speaking the truth? Right then the conch sounded. Nilanjana rushed in flustered and said. "Maharaj is waiting in the audience chamber. Krishna's chariot is ready to return to Dvaraka. Please come to meet Krishna."

  There was now no time to adorn myself. I was absolutely unadorned. There was not even time for changing my white sari of silver threads. I set out in that condition.

  There was no time to plait my wet hair either. The unbound tresses flowing down to my hips would suddenly toss about but I did not bother.

  Nitambini said, "Whom the creator has created from beauty itself, what need does she have of ornaments, dresses, finery? Truly, Princess, this dress which makes you look like a priestess is extremely enchanting. Will Krishna, beloved of the gopis, be able to return to Dvaraka composed?"

  I said nothing. Father might be getting anxious! I reached the audience chamber with Nitambini. My eyes were glued to my feet. I did not have the courage to raise my eyes to see Krishna. If I was unable to withstand the impact of his enchanting form, what would be my condition?

  Before I could greet Krishna he said in a musical voice, "Devi Krishnaa! Through you, — powerful and endowed with all auspicious qualities, — many wicked persons on this earth will be destroyed, dharma will be established. I too have taken a life-long vow to protect and establish dharma. You too have taken birth for this. Therefore, accept my pranam".

  Father said, "That is why I have offered Krishnaa only at Krishna's feet. O Krishna! Right from the time of her christening Krishnaa has remained offered at your feet. Please give her shelter in your lotus feet."

  With lowered face I had kept my eyes fixed on Krishna's blue-lotus feet. For some moments I was lost in them. Krishna removed his feet. In a calm, sweet voice he began speaking, "King Drupad! Devi Krishnaa is no ordinary woman. For her arrange a svayamvar. The finest hero of Aryavart alone will be the most suitable match for Krishnaa. By offering her like a servant at the feet of someone, you are only insulting her. Only he who will prove himself to be the best of all for Krishnaa, will take Krishnaa's hand in marriage."

  Father cried out in distress, "O Krishna! Who besides you can be the finest hero of Aryavart? Where Krishna is the heart's choice what is the need for arranging a svayamvar? With you present, who else will have the power to win Krishnaa in the svayamvar?”

  "Yes, there is someone Therefore, without svayamvar none has the authority to take Krishnaa's hand." Saying this Krishna smiled gently. That smile seemed to be meant to churn any young woman's heart and snatch all the nectar stored in it. Sakhi was indicating that I should place the garland in my hands round Krishna's neck.

  I wanted to do that but my hands would not lift up. I was not mad with love of Krishna, but was helpless. Right then Father enquired, "Who is that? Who is there besides Krishna who is suitable for Krishnaa, the darling of my heart?"

  In a voice warm with affection Krishna said, "With the powers of Hari, Hara, Brahma and Indra, a mighty person has taken birth on earth. He is the third Pandav, Arjun, son of my father's sister. He is about a year younger than me. Arjun's and my paternal ancestry is the same. Moreover, it is from a part of me that Arjun has taken birth.

  "King Yayati of the Lunar race and Shukracharya's daughter, Devyani, had a son named Yadu. From Yayati's second wife, Sharmishtha, daughter of the Haiheya king, Vrishaparva, Puru was bom. He was the ancestor of the Kauravs and the Pandavs. O King, Arjun's heroism is not hidden from you. And with him present, I cannot be suitable for Krishnaa. Arjun is not only my younger brother but my intimate friend. Our bodies are separate, but our souls are one. By making a world-famous hero such as Arjun your son-in-law you will assuredly win fame. This will also make for the fulfilment of your vow."

  Father was delighted. The hero who had sometime at Drona's command imprisoned my father would now be his son-in-law. By his prowess Drona's arrogance would be ground in the dust. Through his son-in-law Drupad would take revenge for his insult. When that very hero whom Drona had found in the form of a student became king Drupad's son-in-law, he would be able to stand with his head held high before Drona. He would say, "Drona! Till today you laboured to make my son-in-law adept. If you had known that your best student would become my son-in-law, perhaps you would not have taught him all the arts of warfare. Now my son-in-law can defeat you, so you will have to live under my sufferance now."

  Father's thoughts were plain on his face. Be it Krishna or Arjun, his son-in-law must be the best of heroes. If the appropriate son-in-law to take revenge on Drona was Arjun, then what was the objection to that?

 
; But what of me? The garland I had been weaving since the morning to put round Krishna's neck would have to be put round Arjun's. That too at Krishna's behest! Did I have no wish of my own, no desire, no craving simply because I was Yajnaseni-born of the sacrificial fire? My birth, life and death — all were dictated by someone else. Why had I come and why should I remain alive? Why should I die? What was the intention? I knew nothing. Ignorance was my only stay. Seeing my disappointed and worried face, Krishna said softly, "Devi Draupadi! You were born to destroy your father's enemies. Not only your father's enemies but the world's evil-doers too. For conquering external enemies we need first to conquer the internal, that is, the senses. Give up desires, cravings, mind, heart and intellect for the establishment of dharma. For the sake of nobler causes selfish interests can be sacrificed. That is what establishes life's nobility."

  I realised that Krishna was the dharma-promoter. That very moment I offered myself to Krishna. Silently I said, "O Krishna! If my acts are not my own, then the fruits of my acts, too, are not mine. I know nothing. Whatever commands come for serving the nobler cause, those shall I obey. But I am an ordinary earthly woman. Where do I have the power to conquer lust, anger, greed and delusion? If you do not give me that strength, how shall I turn from a mere woman into a goddess?"

  Weaving tears into the flower-garland I placed it not round Krishna's neck but on his feet. It seemed to me that my youth had vanished. I had become an infant. I had not experienced my childhood, having been bom with a youthful body. How pleasurable was the delicate, simple, pure ignorance of infancy! Feeling that the ultimate fulfilment of life lay in dripping drops of ignorance on to the feet of the ocean of wisdom, Krishna, with a resolute mind I established his dear sakha Arjun in my heart. What alternative did I have? As an ignorant infant I should play with whatever toy my master placed in my hand, be happy, and go on living. Who was I to ask who would be my toy and why?

  Before leaving, Krishna quietly spoke to my heart, "Krishnaa! Krishna is ever love-mad, hungry for affection. Never put a knot in the bonds of love in which sakha Arjun has bound me. I have the right to share in your love for Arjun. I am a partner in all the victories and defeats of Arjun, in all that he gets and loses. Before eating, Arjun offers the food to me. Without offering it to me, Arjun does not even touch water. But I do not eat the food Arjun offers; I only consume his craving. In the same manner despite belonging to Arjun, my relationship with your subtlest essence is eternal and immortal. Never forget this."

  That very moment I split into two. My subtlest essence merged into his deep blue radiant essence. My other portion remained as the body of Draupadi-of-the-svayamvar, amid earthly pleasures, desires and anxieties in the royal palace of Panchal, waiting for Arjun.

  How strange is man's mind! How many things it forgets and how much remains unforgotten, indelibly imprinted on it!

  I forgot that Father had first offered me to Krishna. Now I lost myself in fantasies about Arjun, the noblest of heroes. What would he be like? Just like Krishna? Or a second Krishna? What else could he be if he suited Krishna's heart and mind?

  5

  Spring was in the air. In the month of Phagun the colour of phaq had begun to tinge the arjun forest with red. Thunder-wielder Indra was present on the banks of the pure-watered Ganga. Kunti, the dear daughter of the Bhoj king, had summoned Indra by means of the victory garland obtained from Durvasa. Could Indra reject this summons of spring?

  The divine infant who arrived in this arjun forest on the banks of the Ganga with the prowess of Indra from the womb of pure-hearted Kunti in the Uttarphalguni asterism was Arjun — Phalguni, Vishnu, Kiriti, Shvetvahan, Vibhatsu, Vijay, Savyasachi, Dhananjay. After saying this much, Nitambini stopped. She asked, "Sakhi! You will be able to remember so many names of your beloved, I trust? Truly, how fortunate you are! He who has so many names — how great must be his fame, his achievements, his knowledge and intelligence! Now forget Krishna and think of Phalguni!"

  I said, "Sakhi! She who has once established Krishna in her heart can only allow Savyasachi a place there. For, he alone has taken birth from a portion of Krishna. In him, after all, I will find Krishna himself. When Krishna feels that Arjun alone is suitable for me, I believe that it is Arjun who is the world's greatest hero."

  Nitambini laughed and said, "Sakhi! You haven't heard the stories of Arjun's heroism? He showed his prowess from early childhood. He is the finest disciple of guru Drona. In his amazing weapon-test only Arjun succeeded. There is a hill at a distance of eight thousand eight hundred and twenty-eight miles with a fort on top with a pike fixed above it. On this pike was kept a grain of mustard. The tutor's command was to split that mustard seed into two."

  Startled, I kept gazing at Nitambini. How peculiar was this test! Could anyone be successful in it? Laughing at my stunned aspect, Nitambini continued, "He who passed this test is bound to be either Krishna himself or Krishna's sakha, Arjun. Who else can accomplish this impossible feat?"

  Surprised I mused: one who had displayed such miraculous ability in weapon-craft — who could he be other than Krishna's sakha?

  Softly Nitambini whispered in my ear, "It was at Drona's command that Arjun had imprisoned King Drupad. It is he who will win Drupad's daughter at Krishna's bidding. Wah! what a coincidence!"

  Warmly I responded, "What option do I have? Whatever Krishna desires, Father will do. It is my duty to honour Father's wishes. Leaving dharma aside, what meaning will my life hold?"

  Nitambini smiled and said, "Angry because you did not get Krishna? Despite not getting Krishna you will win Krishna's very life-breath."

  "How so?" I asked.

  Nitambini explained, "After all, Arjun is Krishna's very life. If Arjun is yours, that means Krishna's soul is yours and you have got Krishna. If you can bring Arjun under your control it will bring Krishna within your grasp. She who can command Krishna — what sorrow can touch her?"

  I did not know how I blurted out, "Is there life without grief, Nitambini? If there be, then Krishna does not exist there. Where there is sorrow there is Krishna. It is said he is the friend of the sorrowful."

  I did not know then that I was talking about my own future.

  6

  I was preparing to be svayamvaraa, to choose my husband, for the Panchal kingdom was preparing for Princess Draupadi's svayamvar.

  Who was not aware of Arjun's prowess and heroism? Father had suffered defeat at his hands long back. Therefore, without displaying the zenith of his own prowess how could he obtain the finest of women, Draupadi?

  Behind the arrangement of such a peculiar svayamvar and the conditions of the ceremony there was a double purpose. Firstly, no one other than Arjun would be able to prove himself. Consequently, it would be Arjun who would become the son-in-law of the Panchal monarch. Secondly, Father would be able to compensate before the Panchal people for the humiliation suffered at Arjun's hands in the past.

  Sakhi Nitambini announced the conditions of the svayamvar. Hearing them, I was stunned. Would anyone succeed in this test?

  The bow that had been made for the svayamvar was so hard that bending it for stringing would be a difficult task. A lovely dais had been made for the svayamvar with a long pole on it. On this pole was a revolving disc. Along with the swiftly revolving disc the picture of the target would be reflected in the water of a vessel kept below. For this, near the pavilion a large water receptacle had been made ready. The target fixed on top of the disc would be in the shape of a small fish. Stringing the bow, and looking at the target's reflection below, the archer would have to pierce the target by shooting five arrows through the eye of the fish. Whereupon the target would slip down. This would be the test to be passed in the Draupadi-svayamvar for winning Draupadi.

  After knowing these novel conditions stipulated by Father, it seemed to me that in his heart of hearts Father wanted that I should remain unwed forever, helping him in his religious duties, and safeguarding dharma. Otherwise, why would he prescribe conditions which even God
Himself would not be able to fulfil? However, I had heard about Krishna-sakha Arjun's mastery of archery and infallible aim. Perhaps Father wanted that Draupadi should not be won by anyone but Arjun and that was why such a test had been prescribed.

  I had not seen Arjun, but coming to know of the conditions of the svayamvar I could hazard a guess at his prowess and heroism. In my heart I thanked Krishna and accepted his guidance. I felt that there was no question at all of doubting any decision of his. He was beneficent, auspicious.

  The arrangements were complete. In the whole of Panchal, before the svayamvar, for a fortnight there were festivities. The gaiety of spring pervaded the entire kingdom. Rich and poor alike were participating in the celebrations. Palaces were painted afresh. All houses were freshly colour-washed, with their boundaries demarcated. It seemed as if the whole kingdom had been constructed anew. At all entrance gates of mango-branches with water pots had been placed as auspicious signs. All citizens had been provided with new clothes at the cost of the royal treasury. The men and women dressed in new clothes and jewellery were enhancing the glory of the kingdom. The entire capital was decorated with lights. The nights were resplendent. At different places dance, music and fireworks had been arranged round the clock.

  For decorating the assembly-hall for the svayamvar famous painters and artists had arrived. Those who had not seen the palace of Indra were considering themselves blessed on seeing all the rich illumination, elaborate preparations and pageantry. Appropriate arrangements had been made in the assembly-hall for guests so that they could all watch the target-shooting. Carefully thought out plans had been made for this. A silver canopy shot through with golden threads hung overhead. Fragrant pots of flowers had been kept for the guests right from the entrance up to the svayamvar hall. The entire hall was fragrant with their scent. Various types of food had been prepared for everyone right from the poor and humble to the noble guests. Some were thinking that if the princess' svayamvar celebration were to stretch on for many years then life would be replete with joy. On seeing the pageantry, guests from far away were wondering whether they had reached some nook of heaven! Surely this was the wedding ceremony of a heavenly apsara! From different countries kings, princes, warriors, heroes, priests and scholars had arrived as guests. The capital was resounding with joy, for appropriate arrangements had been made for entertaining the guests.